Last night I had to do one the hardest things in life.
Say Goodbye.

No matter how many times that word is spoken over a lifetime, it never gets easier and the pain that follows is enough to shatter a heart. 

Some people come into your life never making much of an impact, while others not only come in, but suddenly they are in every aspect of your world. 

They are the one you text/call the moment you get news of any kind (good or bad). They are the one who drops everything to be at your side when you're falling apart. They are your adventure sidekick and secret-keeper. Your accountability partner and the one person you can be 100% real with because that's where you feel the most safe. You share passions, memories, clothes, and silent looks that only the two of you can interpret.

An unbreakable bond shared between kindred spirits.

From the moment I met Lauren, I knew there was something different. Something bigger than just mere friends and a mutual obsession over everything Christmas. Our connection was instantaneous and infectious. So much so that others around us noticed and commented.

We spent every moment we could together. 

From countless hours of conversation over coffee to watching our favorite movies. Spontaneous lunch dates to spending nearly the entire summer in the sun at Waldameer critiquing the music choice of the waterpark's speakers. Singing together in church to breaking out into song at any given moment due to something we just heard. Knowing what the other is thinking to keeping each other sane when life threw a curve ball. 

We were always laughing even to the point of crying. 

She willingly became the rock I needed to get me through some of the biggest struggles I've ever faced. She was determined to see me succeed. 

She became my Sister, my Confidant, my Best Friend. 

She is my biggest supporter, cheerleader, and fan.

I watched this amazing woman go through pregnancy and last night I was given the awesome honor and privilege of being called "Aunt Kate" to the most precious little boy, her son Judah.

Last night, as in most things in life, we had to let each other go. As we clung to each other in painful, heart-wrenching sobs the reality and uncertainty of ever seeing each other on Earth again was overwhelming, but still we are determined to hold on to the hope of reuniting once again someday. 

Circumstances may separate us, but our hearts will forever remain connected across the miles.

We don't know what the future holds, but we know Who holds the future and that alone gives peace.

To say you are missed is an understatement. 

Always my Sissy ~ Forever your Kate-Kate

I love you darling

"Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say 

It is well, it is well with my soul"

Inner peace, through an implicit trust in the love of God, is the real evidence of a mature Christian faith. These powerful lyrics were written by Mr. Horatio E. Spafford. After suffering loss in the great Chicago fire of 1871 he decided to take his family on a vacation to Europe, but, due to urgent business, he was detained while his wife and 4 daughters went on ahead. Halfway across the Atlantic, the ship carrying his wife and daughters was struck and sunk. All four of the Spafford girls drowned. His wife was miraculously saved. Mr. Spafford, after hearing the news of his tragic loss, set sail immediately to rejoin his wife. When his ship passed by the approximate place where his daughters had drowned, he received comfort from God like no other that brought him the words 

"When peace like a river attendeth my way. When sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, it is well. It is well with my soul."

This is the kind of peace and trust I so desperately yearn to achieve in my life. That whatever trials God sees fit to put me through and whatever sorrows I have to face...I may be able to stand on the deck of my ship, look down at the waters of my trials, and say those words with confidence and true immersing peace and trust in Almighty God! I am learning to fully place my entire life and circumstances in His hands. God only has our best interests in mind and His plans are perfect even tho we cannot see the reason. He has never failed and He won't stop now!

Will I still have doubts? Yes.

Will I fail? Yes.

With God's strength and unchangeable love, I will come out on the other side victorious, stronger, and the woman He truly intended me to be. Help me, Lord!

It is well...

Shine Your Light

A young woman came to me and told me something I will never forget. She said that every time she sees me she envisions God pouring grace, peace, mercy, hope, love, and joy on me like a fountain which then bursts out of me in all directions like rays of light capturing, touching, and affecting every soul around. She then, with tears in her eyes, said, "I want what you have. I want to be close enough to soak up everything I can. I want to learn from you so that I, too, may be that bright beacon that will change the world." I stood there stunned and in absolute awe as tears poured down my face. I looked back at my life and all that I was going thru during the past several months and I am completely amazed. She doesn't know my story. She doesn't know my struggles and trials. She doesn't know the countless nights spent crying myself to sleep while asking God for answers and understanding. Yet, THAT is what she saw. What a constant reminder that I am being watched intently by people I had no idea I was affecting. Had I allowed myself to quit and give up, I could have unknowingly hurt and possibly destroyed her. She was gleaning strength from me that God was pouring into my life.

 Sometimes the trials we go thru are not for us, but for others so we can help them by what we learned.

 What are you showing the world? Who is watching you?