Christmas in Heaven

Tonight I wrapped presents beside the fireplace while Christmas music flowed gently from the sound bar.
As the song “Christmas in Heaven” began to play, I paused as tears blurred my vision. I looked around at my little living room. The tree filling up with memory ornaments and many non-working lights that badly need replaced for next year. The fireplace with only one stocking hanging alone. The pictures of my brave brothers commemorating their time of service and the close calls they had while on deployment. And memories of my brother, Greg, began to flood my mind and heart.
Like video clips on a screen, I could see him running around the yard, climbing trees, his entire face smiling while he laughed, his fearless take on living his best life and living in the moment.
It’s been almost 19yrs.
I no longer remember what his voice sounded like. I can’t remember what his hugs felt like.
But I will never forget that, while everyone else called me “Katie” growing up, he was the only one to call me “Kate”. I will never forget the close bond we shared. I’ll never forget the shared birthdays and him being my best friend for almost 12yrs. I will never forget his last words to me being “love ya Kate” while he gave me one of his special hugs before running off to his room.
I was sitting at my desk with my back to him. I didn’t turn around to hug him back. I don’t even think I told him “I love you too”.
I don’t remember.
45min later he was gone.
He has spent 18 Christmases in Heaven now. I wonder what life would look like had things been different. I wonder if his presence would’ve changed things. Or maybe he was spared because God knew something we don’t know and may never know.
Christmas was his favorite time of year. Maybe that’s why I love it so much.
So while I sit here lost in a memory while tears fall, I wonder what Christmas in Heaven is like.
Hold those you love extra close tonight.
Tell them you love them.
Don’t let your last words be ones you would regret.
Take time to hug them.
Don’t be too busy.
Don’t be distracted.
For someday, memories will be all you have left.

I'm surrounded by You - This is how I fight my battles

The past several months has been a very real struggle for me. I felt like I was drowning. Between very serious personal issues and difficulties with the line of work I was in, I was finding myself becoming more drained and it was as if it was sucking the very life out of me.
My already minimal social life had become quite non existent and I started to notice a very concerning change in myself that I didn’t like.
I was more stressed, depressed, and negative. Where I used to find joy in the little things, I now had forgotten how to smile.
It takes a very special person to handle this type of work 40+ hrs a week. I, however, am not cut out for it. You never truly know and realize what people on the other end of the phone really go thru until you’ve experienced it yourself.
I have a much higher respect for them now.
I felt surrounded and attacked on all sides. Deep inside I was screaming for help and rescue, but I felt like no one could hear me. I felt stuck.

“It may look like I’m surrounded....”

On Sept 18, I received a notification from a job search app stating my resume matched a position at a Law Firm just a few blocks from where I live. I initially laughed as I have no degree and no clue about anything relating to Law. Why would I even be considered?
So I let it sit there.
Later on that afternoon, I saw it again and this time felt a nudge to hit “apply”. So I shrugged and said “eh, why not”, clicked the apply button that automatically sends out my resume, and continued on with my day.
The next day I received an email offering an interview. I, again, let it sit there, this time for a full weekend, before I finally called and ended up going for the interview that Tuesday. The interview went so well, but I was scared to get my hopes up as my last few recent interviews elsewhere had crushed me.
So I waited.
The week finished out and still no word.
The weekend came and went.

Monday morning I received word that they were meeting to discuss and make a decision that afternoon. I waited all day, nervously glancing at my phone. Internally begging it to ring.
At 2:45pm the call came. They asked me to come back in. I went. I was a wreck on the inside, but outwardly calm. It was a second brief interview, but I was very desperately hoping to get some answer. Good or bad. They then ended it with “Thank you for coming back in. We will notify you when we make our decision.”
My stomach dropped.
I had really hoped for news.
Something.
Anything.
But I thanked them for their time and left.
The entire way to my car I was asking God all the “why” questions. I get in my car and pull around to the parking lot exit. The street was packed with traffic. I couldn’t get out of the lot.
So I sat there. Waiting.
Suddenly my phone rings. It was them! I answered and they asked if I had left yet. I advised I was still here due to traffic. They asked if I would be able to come back up. Now completely confused, I backed up, parked again, and made my way back up to the top floor. They were waiting for me as I stepped off the elevator.
Apparently, the moment I left the office, they looked at each other and said “It’s a no brainer. She is who we need need here!”.
They offered me the job with a pay increase.
The moment I said “yes”, I felt a huge weight fall off. I suddenly couldn’t contain myself and I started laughing and my eyes welled with tears.
My new office is on the top floor of the building.
My new desk sits with a massive and incredible view of the entire bayfront.
I will be doing work that I’m truly good at and I actually enjoy doing.
The pay and benefits improved significantly.
I know I will be very happy here and will be taken care of and treated very well.
Never did I see this coming. This wasn’t even what I expected when I prayed for a new job. This is so much more than what I asked for. This is an “I’m drinking from my saucer because my cup has overflowed”.
Here I thought I was surrounded by things that seemed determined to wreck me, but, in reality, I was actually surrounded by The One who knew exactly what I needed without me having to or even knowing to ask for it. He was just putting the pieces together and just when I was giving up and ready to fall apart, He picked me up and said “Watch this”.

“It May look like I’m surrounded, but I’m surrounded by You. This is how I fight my battles”

Your job vs. God's job

How many times has our words or actions caused a human to walk away from Christ? Leave a church? Become hurt and doubt their faith? Spread gossip against another? Etc.
Judging only causes them to run farther away and, in most cases, never return.
Loving them is when they become open to hearing you and can then speak into their lives where they will receive it.
Only God can change a heart.
That’s not up to us.
I’m so glad He never gave us that kind of power, because we are all just humans. We all mess up and make mistakes. Every single day.
The greatest commandment is this: Love one another as I have loved you.
Look at how much we’ve messed up, yet He still loves us. Who are we to determine who does or doesn’t deserve love?
Jesus truly is the greatest example!
Look who he chose to hang out with. They were society’s worst at the time. Yet He saw their potential and chose to simply love them. They, in turn, followed Him. It’s sad how many Christians have taken on the example of the Pharisees instead of Jesus.
Our reactions and responses to those who are not like us can have a huge impact. It is the crossroads for most individuals.
Your actions, reactions, and words can be life or death. Maybe not physically (although that is becoming more and more common), but, most importantly, spiritual.
It’s our job to love. It’s God’s job to change.