It is summer.
Which means wedding season is in full swing. Your calendar is filling up with Bridal Showers, Bachelorette Parties, Ceremonies, and Receptions. It's an exciting time full of fun, dancing, and celebrating two hearts becoming one. However, for a one who is single, it is also a stark and almost harsh reminder of your lack of an expected love life and you are once again having to prepare yourself to sit through yet another ceremony solo and you're already planning on escaping to the bathroom during the dreaded "tossing of the bouquet" session where your singleness is embarrassingly and publicly announced.
Which means wedding season is in full swing. Your calendar is filling up with Bridal Showers, Bachelorette Parties, Ceremonies, and Receptions. It's an exciting time full of fun, dancing, and celebrating two hearts becoming one. However, for a one who is single, it is also a stark and almost harsh reminder of your lack of an expected love life and you are once again having to prepare yourself to sit through yet another ceremony solo and you're already planning on escaping to the bathroom during the dreaded "tossing of the bouquet" session where your singleness is embarrassingly and publicly announced.
In this day and age it seems as if you are expected to be married and/or on your way to the altar by the age of 24 with at least 2 kids by the time you are 26, if not sooner. If you somehow missed that designated time frame then you are put in a "league of your own" and "something must be wrong with you".
I couldn't be happier for my girls as they found their soulmates and watched their love grow for each other. I was thankful they each found good, godly men who truly adored them and made sure they knew every day how much they were loved and cherished. I love my "sisters" dearly and expect only the very best for them.
As a single woman who has married off all her friends and is becoming "Auntie" to their children, I can clearly say:
We know!
We know we are single. We know what we are missing out on. We see it nearly every day as everyone seems to be in a relationship these days. We see how happy you are and, don't get me wrong, we are very happy for you, but we certainly don't need to be reminded of what we don't have.
So this summer, as you're drowning in RSVP's and trying to figure out which reception table to put the one single attendee at who couldn't find a date, don't make it worse for them by hosting the traditional public display of pathetic singleness. We won't be offended at all if you skip it all together. In fact, nothing would make us more happy and relieved.
And please, whatever you do, do not replace it with the new thing people are trying to make happen in the Christian community by going around to each single attendee, giving them a rose, and praying individually for them to find a husband. It is a well-intentioned, but actually condescending gesture.
I am trying to imagine my reaction if this were to happen to me. I can see my face going bright red in absolute mortification and embarrassment and then the feeling of belittlement as "poor you...I found a husband and you didn't". Trust me, future brides, this new ritual needs to die before becoming a "tradition".
A wedding is the last place where singles need to be singled out (see what I did there *wink*). It's hurtful and humiliating. Chances are we already feel small for being dateless in a room full of couples (married or taken). We live in a "couples" world. That's just fact. We are perfectly content with simply enjoying your day and your moment with you.
I'm gonna be super real with you now.
Wedding season is difficult for us. As happy as we are for our friends, we can't deny the emotions we experience around weddings. We feel down, overly aware of our singleness, lonely, neglected, and the feeling that "God gives good gifts to everyone but you".
Hunny, I know. I get you!
You feel depressed and the lies of self doubt/worth/value begin to creep into your mind. This is when you need to be super real with God and tell Him what you're feeling. He already knows, but He wants to hear it from you. He wants to talk through it.
I find that the moment I start to verbally voice what's in my head regarding my emotions and struggles is when I begin to see things differently. Sometimes we need to say it out loud and really hear it so that we can take control and not allow our minds and emotions to go too far.
I also would like to clarify that I am not a fan of the "dates with Jesus" mentality that many Christian girls have claimed, as if He is your imaginary boyfriend. Girls, stop. Just....stop. It's being used as a temporary bandaid to cover up the raging hysteria of emotions that's boiling inside and I've seen the melt downs when the bandaid suddenly isn't enough. I've heard it all. This is not healthy and certainly is not what Jesus intended.
There is a big difference in keeping your focus on Jesus while finding contentment and putting on a temporary bandage when your emotions begin to take control.
One has a lasting and life changing result while the other is comparable to a 5hr Energy drink where the crash at the end of the 5 hours is enough to knock you out for a while.
Don't beat yourself up when the feeling of loneliness and the longing for affection and physical touch come around. These are natural desires. It is important to talk to God - and yourself - through those times and bring your focus back on bettering yourself in this season of your life.
Work on finding that emotional stability and becoming steady.
It takes work and determination, but in the long term you will be far more advanced and successful than most of the population around you. Focus on becoming physically fit and financially successful.
Do not look at your single life as the page before the book starts.
Now is your story.
Now is your time to improve and advance farther than you thought possible.
So with that thought in mind, keep your chin up. You're not alone in the feeling of discouragement, jealousy, and even dread when you see another engagement announcement on facebook or receive another wedding invite in the mail. You've made it through the last dozen weddings. You got this! Put on your heels and favorite lip gloss and go with the determination of simply having a good time celebrating your friend's new step in their life. And don't feel guilty for stepping out and not participating in the "free entertainment" for the happy, cake-eating married couples.
Mazel tov!
I couldn't be happier for my girls as they found their soulmates and watched their love grow for each other. I was thankful they each found good, godly men who truly adored them and made sure they knew every day how much they were loved and cherished. I love my "sisters" dearly and expect only the very best for them.
As a single woman who has married off all her friends and is becoming "Auntie" to their children, I can clearly say:
We know!
We know we are single. We know what we are missing out on. We see it nearly every day as everyone seems to be in a relationship these days. We see how happy you are and, don't get me wrong, we are very happy for you, but we certainly don't need to be reminded of what we don't have.
So this summer, as you're drowning in RSVP's and trying to figure out which reception table to put the one single attendee at who couldn't find a date, don't make it worse for them by hosting the traditional public display of pathetic singleness. We won't be offended at all if you skip it all together. In fact, nothing would make us more happy and relieved.
And please, whatever you do, do not replace it with the new thing people are trying to make happen in the Christian community by going around to each single attendee, giving them a rose, and praying individually for them to find a husband. It is a well-intentioned, but actually condescending gesture.
I am trying to imagine my reaction if this were to happen to me. I can see my face going bright red in absolute mortification and embarrassment and then the feeling of belittlement as "poor you...I found a husband and you didn't". Trust me, future brides, this new ritual needs to die before becoming a "tradition".
A wedding is the last place where singles need to be singled out (see what I did there *wink*). It's hurtful and humiliating. Chances are we already feel small for being dateless in a room full of couples (married or taken). We live in a "couples" world. That's just fact. We are perfectly content with simply enjoying your day and your moment with you.
I'm gonna be super real with you now.
Wedding season is difficult for us. As happy as we are for our friends, we can't deny the emotions we experience around weddings. We feel down, overly aware of our singleness, lonely, neglected, and the feeling that "God gives good gifts to everyone but you".
Hunny, I know. I get you!
You feel depressed and the lies of self doubt/worth/value begin to creep into your mind. This is when you need to be super real with God and tell Him what you're feeling. He already knows, but He wants to hear it from you. He wants to talk through it.
I find that the moment I start to verbally voice what's in my head regarding my emotions and struggles is when I begin to see things differently. Sometimes we need to say it out loud and really hear it so that we can take control and not allow our minds and emotions to go too far.
I also would like to clarify that I am not a fan of the "dates with Jesus" mentality that many Christian girls have claimed, as if He is your imaginary boyfriend. Girls, stop. Just....stop. It's being used as a temporary bandaid to cover up the raging hysteria of emotions that's boiling inside and I've seen the melt downs when the bandaid suddenly isn't enough. I've heard it all. This is not healthy and certainly is not what Jesus intended.
There is a big difference in keeping your focus on Jesus while finding contentment and putting on a temporary bandage when your emotions begin to take control.
One has a lasting and life changing result while the other is comparable to a 5hr Energy drink where the crash at the end of the 5 hours is enough to knock you out for a while.
Don't beat yourself up when the feeling of loneliness and the longing for affection and physical touch come around. These are natural desires. It is important to talk to God - and yourself - through those times and bring your focus back on bettering yourself in this season of your life.
Work on finding that emotional stability and becoming steady.
It takes work and determination, but in the long term you will be far more advanced and successful than most of the population around you. Focus on becoming physically fit and financially successful.
Do not look at your single life as the page before the book starts.
Now is your story.
Now is your time to improve and advance farther than you thought possible.
So with that thought in mind, keep your chin up. You're not alone in the feeling of discouragement, jealousy, and even dread when you see another engagement announcement on facebook or receive another wedding invite in the mail. You've made it through the last dozen weddings. You got this! Put on your heels and favorite lip gloss and go with the determination of simply having a good time celebrating your friend's new step in their life. And don't feel guilty for stepping out and not participating in the "free entertainment" for the happy, cake-eating married couples.
Mazel tov!
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