As I sit here at my favorite solitude spot in quiet contemplation, the warm fall breeze mixing familiar autumn scents while the only sound is the soothing melody of the waves kissing the rock wall that I am resting on as the sun sets and the sky turns several shades of orange and pink in a majestic farewell to yet another day, my attention wanders from the book in my hand to my surroundings. I am suddenly filled with a raw emotion that can only be described as "awe".
To think that only two years ago things were so very different.
My journey has been so unique and so challenging compared to what people can see. I didn't always have a relationship and a closeness with my Savior as I now cherish.
Everyone has a story.
Mine brought me to the edge, allowed me to look over the side, and then, gently with pure and unequivocal love, brought me to the place of "all in" with Yeshua.
I now humbly and gratefully wear the biggest part of my testimony on my arm as a symbol and constant reminder of God's amazing and miraculous work in my life!
The semicolon, as in the English grammar, symbolizes where the writer could have ended the sentence, but yet continues further thus symbolically marking the point when I, too, nearly ended my "sentence". To think a person could allow themselves to get to such a point is so incredibly sad. To think a Jesus-following, church-attending, bible-believing person could get to that point almost seems impossible, right? I am here to tell you it's not.
Sad? Yes. Impossible? No.
Some may look at such a mindset as selfish and weak. Lacking all reason and tossing Almighty God to the side as if He no longer matters. I strongly proclaim that this is not true.
I will not go into details as this is merely an open post and a glimpse into my story. Maybe one day I will "put pen to paper" as they say and write a book, but for now I will simply say that I now fully understand the mindset of someone who is completely convinced this world, and everyone in it, is better off without you. Seems crazy, right? As if the classic film "It's a wonderful life" didn't do a good enough job teaching us otherwise.
Let's continue.
Throughout the past several years I had come to notice one worship song that clung to my heart above the rest - It is well. However, it wasn't just the song itself that held my heart, but the story behind the writing of it. Mr. Horatio Spafford penned those powerful and heart-wrenching words after the tragic death of not just one, but all of his children.
As he sailed over the very spot where his 4 daughters drowned he was able, with incredible strength and closeness with Yahweh, to look down into the dark waters and say
"when peace like a river attendeth my way. When sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say It is well, It is well with my soul".
That amount of peace and faith in Jehovah has gripped me beyond anything I can explain. It is not just inspiring. It's life changing.
I want that.
I aspire that amount of "all in" with The Holy Spirit.
Because of his testimony, I have chosen to face the storms that spring up and rage in my life with a fierce determination and claim "It is well" over my situation "whatever my lot".
I have become acquainted with "sorrow like sea billows" in my own life and have spent many countless nights in tears and discouragement, yet God in His infinite wisdom and love keeps me anchored and covers me.
My story is not like his and not like yours, yet there are similarities and relations. We all have a journey that we have been asked to travel.
What we go through is not entirely for us.
Many times it is for the benefit of others so, through our testimony and victories, they may gain strength to overcome and survive their own assigned journey.
So while my "sentence" could've ended at that semicolon, now -
It is well!
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