A glimpse into my journey...

As I sit here at my favorite solitude spot in quiet contemplation, the warm fall breeze mixing familiar autumn scents while the only sound is the soothing melody of the waves kissing the rock wall that I am resting on as the sun sets and the sky turns several shades of orange and pink in a majestic farewell to yet another day, my attention wanders from the book in my hand to my surroundings. I am suddenly filled with a raw emotion that can only be described as "awe".

To think that only two years ago things were so very different. 

My journey has been so unique and so challenging compared to what people can see. I didn't always have a relationship and a closeness with my Savior as I now cherish. 

Everyone has a story. 

Mine brought me to the edge, allowed me to look over the side, and then, gently with pure and unequivocal love, brought me to the place of "all in" with Yeshua. 

I now humbly and gratefully wear the biggest part of my testimony on my arm as a symbol and constant reminder of God's amazing and miraculous work in my life! 

The semicolon, as in the English grammar, symbolizes where the writer could have ended the sentence, but yet continues further thus symbolically marking the point when I, too, nearly ended my "sentence". To think a person could allow themselves to get to such a point is so incredibly sad. To think a Jesus-following, church-attending, bible-believing person could get to that point almost seems impossible, right? I am here to tell you it's not. 

Sad? Yes. Impossible? No. 

Some may look at such a mindset as selfish and weak. Lacking all reason and tossing Almighty God to the side as if He no longer matters. I strongly proclaim that this is not true. 

I will not go into details as this is merely an open post and a glimpse into my story. Maybe one day I will "put pen to paper" as they say and write a book, but for now I will simply say that I now fully understand the mindset of someone who is completely convinced this world, and everyone in it, is better off without you. Seems crazy, right? As if the classic film "It's a wonderful life" didn't do a good enough job teaching us otherwise.

Let's continue. 

Throughout the past several years I had come to notice one worship song that clung to my heart above the rest - It is well. However, it wasn't just the song itself that held my heart, but the story behind the writing of it. Mr. Horatio Spafford penned those powerful and heart-wrenching words after the tragic death of not just one, but all of his children. 

As he sailed over the very spot where his 4 daughters drowned he was able, with incredible strength and closeness with Yahweh, to look down into the dark waters and say

 "when peace like a river attendeth my way. When sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say It is well, It is well with my soul". 

That amount of peace and faith in Jehovah has gripped me beyond anything I can explain. It is not just inspiring. It's life changing.

 I want that.

 I aspire that amount of "all in" with The Holy Spirit. 

Because of his testimony, I have chosen to face the storms that spring up and rage in my life with a fierce determination and claim "It is well" over my situation "whatever my lot".

 I have become acquainted with "sorrow like sea billows" in my own life and have spent many countless nights in tears and discouragement, yet God in His infinite wisdom and love keeps me anchored and covers me. 

My story is not like his and not like yours, yet there are similarities and relations. We all have a journey that we have been asked to travel.

 What we go through is not entirely for us. 

Many times it is for the benefit of others so, through our testimony and victories, they may gain strength to overcome and survive their own assigned journey.

 So while my "sentence" could've ended at that semicolon, now - 

It is well!

Between social media, celebrities, and media in general the standard for physical appearance has reached an unachievable level. This "goal" is no longer attainable without the assistance of makeup, hair extensions, personal fitness trainers, and even the recreation assistance of plastic surgeries which would have been deemed unimaginable only a few decades ago. We've basically proclaimed that the face/hair/features/body type you were born with is unacceptable and not good enough. Even with all those expensive outlets listed above we are still not satisfied with our reflection in the mirror and continue to obsess in the "next steps" to meet the standard. 

When did we decide you had to look a certain way or be placed on the "not hot" list? 

Why are we even striving for that ridiculous goal? 

When did that become so important? 

Beauty is only skin deep. It's not what you see on the outside. It's not what you wear and where you shop. Its not the size of your jeans. It's not how perfectly aligned your eyebrows are or how much of a thigh gap you have. It's not the shape of your nose or if your curves match the desired shape "guys want". 

True beauty comes from within. 

It begins deep inside you at a place called "Character". You can purchase the most lavish products, wear only the most elite labels, carve and redesign your face and features and still be unattractive if your character is flawed. 

A woman of good character is the most beautiful of all. 

An apple can look delicious and sweet on the outside, but if the core is rotten the entire apple is no longer edible. It's time to stop staring in the mirror and start looking a little deeper. Why are we so concerned about the standard the media thinks we should have? They don't even know because they keep changing it too! 

We need to be less concerned with mainstream media and more concerned with showing Jesus.

 Proverbs 31 gives us a great beauty tip when it talks about a woman of virtue and noble character being worth far more than rubies! I'd say that wins! How does your character match up to the "attractive" scale? How does your character match up to Proverbs 31? 

Stop trying to simply "turn heads" and start turning hearts!

It is summer.

Which means wedding season is in full swing. Your calendar is filling up with Bridal Showers, Bachelorette Parties, Ceremonies, and Receptions. It's an exciting time full of fun, dancing, and celebrating two hearts becoming one. However, for a one who is single, it is also a stark and almost harsh reminder of your lack of an expected love life and you are once again having to prepare yourself to sit through yet another ceremony solo and you're already planning on escaping to the bathroom during the dreaded "tossing of the bouquet" session where your singleness is embarrassingly and publicly announced. 

In this day and age it seems as if you are expected to be married and/or on your way to the altar by the age of 24 with at least 2 kids by the time you are 26, if not sooner. If you somehow missed that designated time frame then you are put in a "league of your own" and "something must be wrong with you".

I couldn't be happier for my girls as they found their soulmates and watched their love grow for each other. I was thankful they each found good, godly men who truly adored them and made sure they knew every day how much they were loved and cherished. I love my "sisters" dearly and expect only the very best for them.

As a single woman who has married off all her friends and is becoming "Auntie" to their children, I can clearly say:

We know!

We know we are single. We know what we are missing out on. We see it nearly every day as everyone seems to be in a relationship these days. We see how happy you are and, don't get me wrong, we are very happy for you, but we certainly don't need to be reminded of what we don't have.

So this summer, as you're drowning in RSVP's and trying to figure out which reception table to put the one single attendee at who couldn't find a date, don't make it worse for them by hosting the traditional public display of  pathetic singleness. We won't be offended at all if you skip it all together. In fact, nothing would make us more happy and relieved.

And please, whatever you do, do not replace it with the new thing people are trying to make happen in the Christian community by going around to each single attendee, giving them a rose, and praying individually for them to find a husband. It is a well-intentioned, but actually condescending gesture.

I am trying to imagine my reaction if this were to happen to me. I can see my face going bright red in absolute mortification and embarrassment and then the feeling of belittlement as "poor you...I found a husband and you didn't". Trust me, future brides, this new ritual needs to die before becoming a "tradition".

A wedding is the last place where singles need to be singled out (see what I did there *wink*). It's hurtful and humiliating. Chances are we already feel small for being dateless in a room full of couples (married or taken). We live in a "couples" world. That's just fact. We are perfectly content with simply enjoying your day and your moment with you.

 I'm gonna be super real with you now.

Wedding season is difficult for us. As happy as we are for our friends, we can't deny the emotions we experience around weddings. We feel down, overly aware of our singleness, lonely, neglected, and the feeling that "God gives good gifts to everyone but you".

Hunny, I know. I get you!

You feel depressed and the lies of self doubt/worth/value begin to creep into your mind. This is when you need to be super real with God and tell Him what you're feeling. He already knows, but He wants to hear it from you. He wants to talk through it.

I find that the moment I start to verbally voice what's in my head regarding my emotions and struggles is when I begin to see things differently. Sometimes we need to say it out loud and really hear it so that we can take control and not allow our minds and emotions to go too far.

I also would like to clarify that I am not a fan of the "dates with Jesus" mentality that many Christian girls have claimed, as if He is your imaginary boyfriend. Girls, stop. Just....stop. It's being used as a temporary bandaid to cover up the raging hysteria of emotions that's boiling inside and I've seen the melt downs when the bandaid suddenly isn't enough. I've heard it all. This is not healthy and certainly is not what Jesus intended.

There is a big difference in keeping your focus on Jesus while finding contentment and putting on a temporary bandage when your emotions begin to take control.

One has a lasting and life changing result while the other is comparable to a 5hr Energy drink where the crash at the end of the 5 hours is enough to knock you out for a while.

Don't beat yourself up when the feeling of loneliness and the longing for affection and physical touch come around. These are natural desires. It is important to talk to God - and yourself - through those times and bring your focus back on bettering yourself in this season of your life.

Work on finding that emotional stability and becoming steady.

It takes work and determination, but in the long term you will be far more advanced and successful than most of the population around you. Focus on becoming physically fit and financially successful.

Do not look at your single life as the page before the book starts.

Now is your story.

Now is your time to improve and advance farther than you thought possible.

So with that thought in mind, keep your chin up. You're not alone in the feeling of discouragement, jealousy, and even dread when you see another engagement announcement on facebook or receive another wedding invite in the mail. You've made it through the last dozen weddings. You got this! Put on your heels and favorite lip gloss and go with the determination of simply having a good time celebrating your friend's new step in their life. And don't feel guilty for stepping out and not participating in the "free entertainment" for the happy, cake-eating married couples.

Mazel tov! 

There comes a point in time where you simply have to walk away from those who do not add positivity to your life. Sometimes you have to say enough is enough and take back the joy that was taken from you. What you allow is what will continue. If you allow others to consistently judge, put you down, and speak negativity over your life, then you have, in essence, given them power that does not belong to them and it’s not healthy for you. It doesn’t matter if it is a relative, significant other, or friend – it is wrong and they must go. It is a sign of maturity and stability when you are able to take a stand for yourself and no longer allow others to affect how you view yourself or the person God is creating you to be. Never allow anyone to make you feel as though you’re not good enough or don’t match up to “their” standards and opinions. If they are not adding to your life, then they are taking something away. You are in charge. It’s time to get your focus on things that promote happiness, success, and positivity. Anything and anyone that is not helping you achieve your goals, uplift you in your self-esteem/worth/spiritual walk, and speak life over you simply does not belong. 

I've never been a fan of the "damsel in distress" type or the "waiting for a man so my life can finally start". No! Get up, pick up your sword, and fight! Get your own standards! Find your own strength! Be successful and capable of handling life completely on your own. A real man, a warrior, doesn't need the extra weight and burden of a woman who can't do it herself. He needs a warrior who can stand alongside him in battle, protect his back, and knows she can handle her own! Media and literature have made the "damsel" and "princess" something to be desired when in all reality, it's no help in the battle of this world. Be a woman of strength! Be the woman a warrior can get his strength from and feel safe with. Anyone can be a princess, but it takes a real woman of honor, integrity, character, strength, and gentleness to be a Queen!

To Submit or Not Submit

Uh oh....The "S" word. 

I can already see the eyes rolling and hear the groans of disgust. 

Hear me out! 

There's actually pretty good news in here that may just change your life and you can thank me later.

Now ladies, I get it.

This is the 21st century!

Woman are independent and can handle life just fine on their own with the "I don't need no man" and "Ain't no man gonna tell me what to do" girl-power mindset making even the idea of "submission" seem like an ancient form of torture.

Now I know...I'm single so what do I know, right?

Take it or leave it. It won't bother me a bit. But...

What if I told you it is very possible to be a modern, independent, confident woman AND be submissive to a man.

True story.

The thing is, we have been given a completely false view on what submission is. Submission is not demeaning and weakness. Far from it!

You see, Men are natural born leaders. God created them that way for a specific purpose. The misconstrued idea of submission has unfortunately turned our men from their God-given role as leaders into spineless jellyfish who can no longer make a decision and have become content allowing the woman to run the place.

Ladies, that's messed up. and really not attractive.

We have been given an amazing and important job, by God, to help our men become the greatest leaders that they can be! It is an honor and a privilege that God would entrust us with this awesome opportunity! 

The man is the head of the home and the woman is the heart.

Do you realize how awesome that is?! It's a huge responsibility and can determine the very environment of your entire household, whether it be full of peace and joy or "Dear God help me! I'm gonna kill 'em."

It seems women today have been gravely misinformed on just how important our submissive role really is. It is not weakness at all! It actually takes a strong woman to be submissive.

It's a choice.

Now, granted, you may not fully agree with everything your man decides, but when you're faithfully praying for him (that should just be a given) and you allow him to be the Man, that right there is obedience that God will honor and bless which will result in very few, if any, disagreements as God will direct his steps...not you.

So often we "think" we know what's best, but c'mon girls...let's be real.

Submission is super important as it allows us to be woman of God in meekness, support, love, gentleness, and joyfulness.

It literally makes you a better person!

Your household will thank you and you will find yourself a much happier person. 

It's not the "barefoot, sack-dress, unwashed slave" with her head down in shame, blindly following orders as if she is beneath the man and not worthy to speak.

Not even close!

It is the joyful woman who is confident in her important God-given role and who is brave and strong enough to help her man become a great leader for her and her children!

So ditch the girl-power attitude and embrace the honored position of a submissive and loving woman after God's own heart!

Let's help our men be men and allow them to become leaders that will change the world for God's glory!

"Behind every great man is an even greater woman lifting him up to his fullest potential"

We Remember

January 28.

Holocaust Memorial Day.

The day when we stop and really take note of our lives and where our problems don't seem all so bad anymore. 

The day that we recall the millions of precious Jewish lives that were horrifically taken from this world simply because they were Jews.

The day we remember.

I have walked the halls of the Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C.

I have seen the graphic pictures, the pile of shoes that were collected before they were sent into the gas chamber, the look in the eyes of the men, women, and yes, even children moments before they're death. I have read the stories, quotes, and writings found carved on cellar walls. 

Those images are forever engraved in my mind and heart.

This was someone's reality.

I walked through replicas of the train cars they were transported in like livestock and even replicas of the gas chambers they were piled in while they thought it was a shower room instead.

I saw the very graphic life-like replica model of the step-by-step process. Though made of plastic and clay, seeing each step brought more tears. The mass arrival, a mix of men, women, and children. Standing in line for hours in the freezing cold as they were processed like animals. Being forced to remove all clothing, shoes, and wedding bands. Being filed into the very large room that had the appearance of showerheads covering the ceiling. It showed how they all crammed in as close as they could under the "showers", as they were led to believe that is exactly what it was.

By this point I was in full out sobs to the point where I was kneeling on the ground completely overwhelmed and overtaken with grief at the sight of these precious innocent people. The horrific reality they had to face was more than I could bear.

The hollow, lifeless eyes of the children stared back at me from the photographs on the wall.

These people were hated. Not because of anything they did, but because of who they were. 

Never Forget.

We are witnesses.

2015.

It happened so fast.

 
This was a roller coaster year for me full of all the feels. I loved and lost and loved again. I survived heartbreak many times and watched it slowly be put back together piece by piece. I discovered strength within myself I never knew I had. I learned what being a survivor was all about. It's not as fun as it would seem, however it is rewarding.

I became a warrior.

 
Defending and protecting my heart at all costs while building up high walls only allowing in those that ultimately proved themselves trustworthy. 

I lost friends.

Not in the usual sense, but more in redefining my own life and taking a step back to refocus and find where I truly need to be, thus learning that, to make a dollar, it is better to have 4 quarters than 100 pennies. 

I made memories this year that will be cherished and highly treasured in my heart for the rest of my life. Memories, experiences, and moments that captured my soul, took my breath away, and seemed as if time stood still. Ones that make you wish to go back and relive over and over. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. 

This year I faced some of the most difficult moments of my life as well as some of the very best, however, I am ready to close the book of 2015. 

I am unsure how to feel regarding the start of the new year. I have many mixed feelings. I am not the woman I was when I started this past year and I wonder what will happen in the next one and how different I will be on this day a year from now. There are many unanswered questions and possibilities and yet that is what comes with a blank, unwritten book.

Many people make their resolutions. Few stick with them. I, personally, have never been the type to make the "New Years list", however, there are a few things I would like to challenge myself for the year 2016 to create a healthier, happier, peaceful, meaningful, and more substantial lifestyle.

• Fall in love with Reading
• Rediscover Self-worth and Value
• Detox and Limit Social Media
• Spend more time Alone with God
• Make Exercise a Priority (walk/run)
• Refrain from Overthinking
• Debt-free and Financial Stability
• Focus on the Positives 

These are a few things that don't require much drastic change, but are certain to readjust and transform into a more positive and fulfilling life. 

I step into this new year, this blank 365 page book, with apprehension and uncertainty of what I am going to face. But, if my heart is in the right place and my mind is steadfast on Jesus, I know I will withstand the valleys and soar through the mountaintops for He makes me brave. I know I am not alone even when sometimes I feel completely and utterly lonely. 

I've always been the one to say "This is my year!", but I am a bit more realistic now and will just take it one day, week, month at a time. I will focus on each moment, for that is life. 

So here I am, 2016. 

It's a new beginning.

Let the adventure begin...