I have always been about women supporting other women!! This is not a competition, ladies.

Everyone’s lives are different and look different than yours.

Some are more traditional while others are considered unconventional.

~ Some married, some single.

~ Some stay at home moms, some working moms.

~ Some give birth, some use surrogates.

 

~ Some get pregnant naturally, some use sperm donors.

~ Some chose careers over marriage, some married before a career was ever a possibility.

~ Some got married straight outta high school, some didn’t meet “the one” until they were well into their 40s.

Everyone’s story is different!

Just because it doesn’t meet your expectations for your life or follow some standard doesn’t mean they’re doing something wrong, nor does it give any of us the “right” to judge and gossip.

Let’s be women aggressively supporting other women unconditionally!

The beginnings of my journey with Hypothyroidism

Over the past 2yrs I have noticed serious physical changes in myself with the only lifestyle change being my employment. I attributed that these issues to the high stress job that was literally affecting my health and wellbeing. Stress is a pretty big factor in physical changes and issues, but I changed significantly in just a span of 2yrs. More than what stress could’ve necessarily caused. During this time, I determined to combat these sudden issues and worked hard to improve, but with no results comes discouragement and motivation crash which then brought on more issues involving emotional struggles and a negative mental outlook on life and how I viewed myself.

Jump forward to January 1, 2020.

This is my year! This is when I make my comeback! That high stress job is gone forever. For the first time in a long time, life is actually pretty great and I am happy. This is it! Let’s go! So I began to take drastic steps once again.

1) I ditched coffee and have been water only

2) I cook ALL my meals (each being UNDER 500 calories) and don’t eat anything processed or pre-made 3) I exercise much more with Barre workouts and utilize the rowing machine and equipment I own every morning before work

4) I did a colon cleanse and

5) I completed a 7day Cabbage Soup diet (basically a starvation diet that is supposed to get fast results and kick start your metabolism)

NOTHING WORKED.

Absolutely ZERO results from ALL of that effort and work.

The number on that blasted scale never changed. The size of my clothes never changed. No increased energy. No improved restful nights where I wake up refreshed. No changes to feeling tired on a constant basis. It was as if I hadn’t done a single thing different.

To say I was discouraged and frustrated would be a gross understatement. I was beyond upset and couldn’t understand why I didn’t get even the slightest hint of change in 2 months. Any normal human no matter their weight and size would’ve seen SOMETHING after all of that! So, I decided it was time to look a little deeper into the medical side of things because clearly something is wrong.

The visit to my doctor was almost unbelievable had I not physically experienced it myself. The moment I told her I was concerned with the fact that I can’t seem to get any results with my weight loss journey and simply feeling healthier in all aspects of my life, as well as explaining in detail everything I've done so far, she *no joke* checked out. If "rolling your eyes" was a facial expression without the actual act, she nailed it! The words “you’re obviously not doing enough cardio”, “you probably need to eat more”, and (my favorite) “that’s probably just how you’re built and you’re just going to have to accept that this is who you are” was literally spoken in the 10min I sat there. In fact, she talked more about herself (her size 0, stiletto wearing, self) than giving any attention to the very reason I was even there. I had to basically force her to prescribe me a blood panel as I wasn’t leaving without one and she made sure to brush it off with a “it probably won’t do anything. You just need more cardio” before leaving the room.

The next morning, after fasting for 12hours in preparation, I went for blood work. I was told it would be 72hrs before results. No big deal. At this point I was becoming increasingly more stressed and worried about what they might find. Could it be serious? A tumor? Would it be fixable? Life altering? Our minds always go nuts with worst case scenarios in situations like this.

Jump to yesterday, Feb. 20, 2020.

Just over 24hrs later, I receive a call. Now, as if the actually appointment itself wasn’t bad enough, this call was the cherry on top. It went like this, “so your levels are high. It’s pretty bad. You need to get on this medication immediately and come back in 6 weeks for more blood work. It’s ready at your pharmacy so start taking it in the morning. Have a good day.”

Hold up!! What now?!

I manage to catch her before she hangs up and ask “um excuse me…what is wrong with me?” Her response, “your thyroid. It’s pretty bad. Start the medication tomorrow morning.”

That was it. Clearly I wasn't getting any more information on the subject. I hung up stunned. There I was, sitting in the Target parking lot, not exactly sure what just happened or what this means for me long term.

I’m 32yrs old. What do you mean my thyroid is bad? What does that even mean? Is this serious? How bad is "pretty bad"? Will it get better? How does this affect my life?

I drive to the pharmacy and get there just as it was closing. They let me in and locked the door behind me. As I stood there with tears in my eyes and still in shock and confusion, I look at her as she hands me the bag and quietly say “can I ask you a question?” God planned for that caring lady to be my pharmacist at that moment. She stopped everything and gave me her full attention with the most kind eyes. I asked “what is this and what does this mean for me? I don’t even know what’s wrong with me.” Her eyes went sad and she reached out to me and calmly explained, so I could understand, that my thyroid is no longer working and what this medication is meant to do. She explained hypothyroidism and how that will affect me. I needed her kindness. Where she could’ve very easily brushed me off and told me to go talk to my doctor, she took the time to help me understand.

So there it is. My week in a nutshell. And it’s not even over yet. *yikes*

There really isn’t a “moral” to this story beside the cliché warning to get checked if things aren’t “adding up”. Even if your doctor doesn't think so - get checked anyway. I have talked to this doctor over the past several years and mentioned the changes I was experiencing and not once did she suggest I get checked or try to "rule things out".

I’m now researching hypothyroidism and what I can do about it, as I certainly don’t want to be on a pill for the rest of my life just to function like a normal human if I can help it, altho with my current levels and the fact that it's gone untreated, I may not have much choice. I am, also, def looking for a new doctor. One that actually gives a crap about my health and genuinely cares when giving life changing news like “oh by the way your thyroid crashed”.

Upon further research, I have discovered that I lined up with every symptom for this condition over the last two years that I blamed on the significant increase of stress in both the working world and in my personal life. While those had a big factor in this, I was unknowingly going untreated for an actual condition to where my levels are now quite high and could cause other issues. So many physical changes and symptoms I have been living with over the past couple years now makes so much sense and could have been controlled had I known.

This will be something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life, but it is treatable and for that I am thankful. I am also thankful it isn't as life altering as it could have been. I am not limited in what my capabilities are in any aspect. This is simply a glitch in my otherwise healthy system and I am looking forward to finally feeling and functioning normally again with the help and aid of this medication and hopefully some natural aid in the near future.

There has been some good that’s come out of my weight loss/healthy living effort in 2020. I discovered a love for cooking that I never knew I had. I cook every day and I’m actually pretty freakin amazing at it! Who knew, right? So, if nothing else, I’ve found something I genuinely enjoy doing and am good at that is healthy and has saved money! *bonus*

Always find the positive in every situation! It helps <3  

What a Decade can do

10 years.
This comparison has a lot of powerful meaning to me. I see more than most would, simply because I lived it. The biggest feature that stands out the most to me personally, and that caught my attention, is the eyes. They say the eyes are the “windows to the soul” and one can tell a lot about a person in their eyes.
They’re not wrong.
The eyes hold more than what our voices can say. It’s a direct link to what’s inside.
What I see in my eyes from ‘09 is pain, fear, insecurity, trapped, caged, and almost a silent cry for help.
And that’s exactly what was there.
No one knew the “behind the scenes” more than the K kids. Even our closest friends at the time had, and still have, no idea what daily life was like and what happened behind closed doors when the “church face” was put away. Just because someone holds a “ministry title” does not make them good, moral, decent, and even Christ-like. (You may wanna read that sentence again)
Now, 10yrs later, I see something very different in those eyes. I see confidence. Independence. Freedom. Worth. Brave. Fearless. Bold. Safe. Chain breaker. Survivor. Healing. Guarded. Warrior. Advocate. And one who absolutely refuses to allow anyone to beat her down physically, mentally, and emotionally ever again.
A lot can happen in 10yrs. I’ve come a long way. I’ve beaten the odds. My life looks nothing like what it was 10yrs ago. Had I been told then where I’d be today, I never would’ve believed it. I would’ve been far too afraid to even contemplate the mere possibility. Thru it all, the only constant in my life was and is God. He never failed.
What will the next 10yrs bring? Most people wish for money, fame, relationship, status, material things. I, however, only wish for one thing.
Happiness.
That’s it. To be genuinely happy is the greatest goal for, with it, everything else matters less because you are right where you are meant to be.
If you can learn one thing from this, let it be that you are never stuck. You have the ability and the strength to change your situation, to better yourself, to beat the odds, to be genuinely happy.
A decade ends, another begins. What are you going to do with it?

Christmas in Heaven

Tonight I wrapped presents beside the fireplace while Christmas music flowed gently from the sound bar.
As the song “Christmas in Heaven” began to play, I paused as tears blurred my vision. I looked around at my little living room. The tree filling up with memory ornaments and many non-working lights that badly need replaced for next year. The fireplace with only one stocking hanging alone. The pictures of my brave brothers commemorating their time of service and the close calls they had while on deployment. And memories of my brother, Greg, began to flood my mind and heart.
Like video clips on a screen, I could see him running around the yard, climbing trees, his entire face smiling while he laughed, his fearless take on living his best life and living in the moment.
It’s been almost 19yrs.
I no longer remember what his voice sounded like. I can’t remember what his hugs felt like.
But I will never forget that, while everyone else called me “Katie” growing up, he was the only one to call me “Kate”. I will never forget the close bond we shared. I’ll never forget the shared birthdays and him being my best friend for almost 12yrs. I will never forget his last words to me being “love ya Kate” while he gave me one of his special hugs before running off to his room.
I was sitting at my desk with my back to him. I didn’t turn around to hug him back. I don’t even think I told him “I love you too”.
I don’t remember.
45min later he was gone.
He has spent 18 Christmases in Heaven now. I wonder what life would look like had things been different. I wonder if his presence would’ve changed things. Or maybe he was spared because God knew something we don’t know and may never know.
Christmas was his favorite time of year. Maybe that’s why I love it so much.
So while I sit here lost in a memory while tears fall, I wonder what Christmas in Heaven is like.
Hold those you love extra close tonight.
Tell them you love them.
Don’t let your last words be ones you would regret.
Take time to hug them.
Don’t be too busy.
Don’t be distracted.
For someday, memories will be all you have left.

I'm surrounded by You - This is how I fight my battles

The past several months has been a very real struggle for me. I felt like I was drowning. Between very serious personal issues and difficulties with the line of work I was in, I was finding myself becoming more drained and it was as if it was sucking the very life out of me.
My already minimal social life had become quite non existent and I started to notice a very concerning change in myself that I didn’t like.
I was more stressed, depressed, and negative. Where I used to find joy in the little things, I now had forgotten how to smile.
It takes a very special person to handle this type of work 40+ hrs a week. I, however, am not cut out for it. You never truly know and realize what people on the other end of the phone really go thru until you’ve experienced it yourself.
I have a much higher respect for them now.
I felt surrounded and attacked on all sides. Deep inside I was screaming for help and rescue, but I felt like no one could hear me. I felt stuck.

“It may look like I’m surrounded....”

On Sept 18, I received a notification from a job search app stating my resume matched a position at a Law Firm just a few blocks from where I live. I initially laughed as I have no degree and no clue about anything relating to Law. Why would I even be considered?
So I let it sit there.
Later on that afternoon, I saw it again and this time felt a nudge to hit “apply”. So I shrugged and said “eh, why not”, clicked the apply button that automatically sends out my resume, and continued on with my day.
The next day I received an email offering an interview. I, again, let it sit there, this time for a full weekend, before I finally called and ended up going for the interview that Tuesday. The interview went so well, but I was scared to get my hopes up as my last few recent interviews elsewhere had crushed me.
So I waited.
The week finished out and still no word.
The weekend came and went.

Monday morning I received word that they were meeting to discuss and make a decision that afternoon. I waited all day, nervously glancing at my phone. Internally begging it to ring.
At 2:45pm the call came. They asked me to come back in. I went. I was a wreck on the inside, but outwardly calm. It was a second brief interview, but I was very desperately hoping to get some answer. Good or bad. They then ended it with “Thank you for coming back in. We will notify you when we make our decision.”
My stomach dropped.
I had really hoped for news.
Something.
Anything.
But I thanked them for their time and left.
The entire way to my car I was asking God all the “why” questions. I get in my car and pull around to the parking lot exit. The street was packed with traffic. I couldn’t get out of the lot.
So I sat there. Waiting.
Suddenly my phone rings. It was them! I answered and they asked if I had left yet. I advised I was still here due to traffic. They asked if I would be able to come back up. Now completely confused, I backed up, parked again, and made my way back up to the top floor. They were waiting for me as I stepped off the elevator.
Apparently, the moment I left the office, they looked at each other and said “It’s a no brainer. She is who we need need here!”.
They offered me the job with a pay increase.
The moment I said “yes”, I felt a huge weight fall off. I suddenly couldn’t contain myself and I started laughing and my eyes welled with tears.
My new office is on the top floor of the building.
My new desk sits with a massive and incredible view of the entire bayfront.
I will be doing work that I’m truly good at and I actually enjoy doing.
The pay and benefits improved significantly.
I know I will be very happy here and will be taken care of and treated very well.
Never did I see this coming. This wasn’t even what I expected when I prayed for a new job. This is so much more than what I asked for. This is an “I’m drinking from my saucer because my cup has overflowed”.
Here I thought I was surrounded by things that seemed determined to wreck me, but, in reality, I was actually surrounded by The One who knew exactly what I needed without me having to or even knowing to ask for it. He was just putting the pieces together and just when I was giving up and ready to fall apart, He picked me up and said “Watch this”.

“It May look like I’m surrounded, but I’m surrounded by You. This is how I fight my battles”

Your job vs. God's job

How many times has our words or actions caused a human to walk away from Christ? Leave a church? Become hurt and doubt their faith? Spread gossip against another? Etc.
Judging only causes them to run farther away and, in most cases, never return.
Loving them is when they become open to hearing you and can then speak into their lives where they will receive it.
Only God can change a heart.
That’s not up to us.
I’m so glad He never gave us that kind of power, because we are all just humans. We all mess up and make mistakes. Every single day.
The greatest commandment is this: Love one another as I have loved you.
Look at how much we’ve messed up, yet He still loves us. Who are we to determine who does or doesn’t deserve love?
Jesus truly is the greatest example!
Look who he chose to hang out with. They were society’s worst at the time. Yet He saw their potential and chose to simply love them. They, in turn, followed Him. It’s sad how many Christians have taken on the example of the Pharisees instead of Jesus.
Our reactions and responses to those who are not like us can have a huge impact. It is the crossroads for most individuals.
Your actions, reactions, and words can be life or death. Maybe not physically (although that is becoming more and more common), but, most importantly, spiritual.
It’s our job to love. It’s God’s job to change.

A glimpse into my journey...

As I sit here at my favorite solitude spot in quiet contemplation, the warm fall breeze mixing familiar autumn scents while the only sound is the soothing melody of the waves kissing the rock wall that I am resting on as the sun sets and the sky turns several shades of orange and pink in a majestic farewell to yet another day, my attention wanders from the book in my hand to my surroundings. I am suddenly filled with a raw emotion that can only be described as "awe".

To think that only two years ago things were so very different. 

My journey has been so unique and so challenging compared to what people can see. I didn't always have a relationship and a closeness with my Savior as I now cherish. 

Everyone has a story. 

Mine brought me to the edge, allowed me to look over the side, and then, gently with pure and unequivocal love, brought me to the place of "all in" with Yeshua. 

I now humbly and gratefully wear the biggest part of my testimony on my arm as a symbol and constant reminder of God's amazing and miraculous work in my life! 

The semicolon, as in the English grammar, symbolizes where the writer could have ended the sentence, but yet continues further thus symbolically marking the point when I, too, nearly ended my "sentence". To think a person could allow themselves to get to such a point is so incredibly sad. To think a Jesus-following, church-attending, bible-believing person could get to that point almost seems impossible, right? I am here to tell you it's not. 

Sad? Yes. Impossible? No. 

Some may look at such a mindset as selfish and weak. Lacking all reason and tossing Almighty God to the side as if He no longer matters. I strongly proclaim that this is not true. 

I will not go into details as this is merely an open post and a glimpse into my story. Maybe one day I will "put pen to paper" as they say and write a book, but for now I will simply say that I now fully understand the mindset of someone who is completely convinced this world, and everyone in it, is better off without you. Seems crazy, right? As if the classic film "It's a wonderful life" didn't do a good enough job teaching us otherwise.

Let's continue. 

Throughout the past several years I had come to notice one worship song that clung to my heart above the rest - It is well. However, it wasn't just the song itself that held my heart, but the story behind the writing of it. Mr. Horatio Spafford penned those powerful and heart-wrenching words after the tragic death of not just one, but all of his children. 

As he sailed over the very spot where his 4 daughters drowned he was able, with incredible strength and closeness with Yahweh, to look down into the dark waters and say

 "when peace like a river attendeth my way. When sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say It is well, It is well with my soul". 

That amount of peace and faith in Jehovah has gripped me beyond anything I can explain. It is not just inspiring. It's life changing.

 I want that.

 I aspire that amount of "all in" with The Holy Spirit. 

Because of his testimony, I have chosen to face the storms that spring up and rage in my life with a fierce determination and claim "It is well" over my situation "whatever my lot".

 I have become acquainted with "sorrow like sea billows" in my own life and have spent many countless nights in tears and discouragement, yet God in His infinite wisdom and love keeps me anchored and covers me. 

My story is not like his and not like yours, yet there are similarities and relations. We all have a journey that we have been asked to travel.

 What we go through is not entirely for us. 

Many times it is for the benefit of others so, through our testimony and victories, they may gain strength to overcome and survive their own assigned journey.

 So while my "sentence" could've ended at that semicolon, now - 

It is well!

Between social media, celebrities, and media in general the standard for physical appearance has reached an unachievable level. This "goal" is no longer attainable without the assistance of makeup, hair extensions, personal fitness trainers, and even the recreation assistance of plastic surgeries which would have been deemed unimaginable only a few decades ago. We've basically proclaimed that the face/hair/features/body type you were born with is unacceptable and not good enough. Even with all those expensive outlets listed above we are still not satisfied with our reflection in the mirror and continue to obsess in the "next steps" to meet the standard. 

When did we decide you had to look a certain way or be placed on the "not hot" list? 

Why are we even striving for that ridiculous goal? 

When did that become so important? 

Beauty is only skin deep. It's not what you see on the outside. It's not what you wear and where you shop. Its not the size of your jeans. It's not how perfectly aligned your eyebrows are or how much of a thigh gap you have. It's not the shape of your nose or if your curves match the desired shape "guys want". 

True beauty comes from within. 

It begins deep inside you at a place called "Character". You can purchase the most lavish products, wear only the most elite labels, carve and redesign your face and features and still be unattractive if your character is flawed. 

A woman of good character is the most beautiful of all. 

An apple can look delicious and sweet on the outside, but if the core is rotten the entire apple is no longer edible. It's time to stop staring in the mirror and start looking a little deeper. Why are we so concerned about the standard the media thinks we should have? They don't even know because they keep changing it too! 

We need to be less concerned with mainstream media and more concerned with showing Jesus.

 Proverbs 31 gives us a great beauty tip when it talks about a woman of virtue and noble character being worth far more than rubies! I'd say that wins! How does your character match up to the "attractive" scale? How does your character match up to Proverbs 31? 

Stop trying to simply "turn heads" and start turning hearts!

It is summer.

Which means wedding season is in full swing. Your calendar is filling up with Bridal Showers, Bachelorette Parties, Ceremonies, and Receptions. It's an exciting time full of fun, dancing, and celebrating two hearts becoming one. However, for a one who is single, it is also a stark and almost harsh reminder of your lack of an expected love life and you are once again having to prepare yourself to sit through yet another ceremony solo and you're already planning on escaping to the bathroom during the dreaded "tossing of the bouquet" session where your singleness is embarrassingly and publicly announced. 

In this day and age it seems as if you are expected to be married and/or on your way to the altar by the age of 24 with at least 2 kids by the time you are 26, if not sooner. If you somehow missed that designated time frame then you are put in a "league of your own" and "something must be wrong with you".

I couldn't be happier for my girls as they found their soulmates and watched their love grow for each other. I was thankful they each found good, godly men who truly adored them and made sure they knew every day how much they were loved and cherished. I love my "sisters" dearly and expect only the very best for them.

As a single woman who has married off all her friends and is becoming "Auntie" to their children, I can clearly say:

We know!

We know we are single. We know what we are missing out on. We see it nearly every day as everyone seems to be in a relationship these days. We see how happy you are and, don't get me wrong, we are very happy for you, but we certainly don't need to be reminded of what we don't have.

So this summer, as you're drowning in RSVP's and trying to figure out which reception table to put the one single attendee at who couldn't find a date, don't make it worse for them by hosting the traditional public display of  pathetic singleness. We won't be offended at all if you skip it all together. In fact, nothing would make us more happy and relieved.

And please, whatever you do, do not replace it with the new thing people are trying to make happen in the Christian community by going around to each single attendee, giving them a rose, and praying individually for them to find a husband. It is a well-intentioned, but actually condescending gesture.

I am trying to imagine my reaction if this were to happen to me. I can see my face going bright red in absolute mortification and embarrassment and then the feeling of belittlement as "poor you...I found a husband and you didn't". Trust me, future brides, this new ritual needs to die before becoming a "tradition".

A wedding is the last place where singles need to be singled out (see what I did there *wink*). It's hurtful and humiliating. Chances are we already feel small for being dateless in a room full of couples (married or taken). We live in a "couples" world. That's just fact. We are perfectly content with simply enjoying your day and your moment with you.

 I'm gonna be super real with you now.

Wedding season is difficult for us. As happy as we are for our friends, we can't deny the emotions we experience around weddings. We feel down, overly aware of our singleness, lonely, neglected, and the feeling that "God gives good gifts to everyone but you".

Hunny, I know. I get you!

You feel depressed and the lies of self doubt/worth/value begin to creep into your mind. This is when you need to be super real with God and tell Him what you're feeling. He already knows, but He wants to hear it from you. He wants to talk through it.

I find that the moment I start to verbally voice what's in my head regarding my emotions and struggles is when I begin to see things differently. Sometimes we need to say it out loud and really hear it so that we can take control and not allow our minds and emotions to go too far.

I also would like to clarify that I am not a fan of the "dates with Jesus" mentality that many Christian girls have claimed, as if He is your imaginary boyfriend. Girls, stop. Just....stop. It's being used as a temporary bandaid to cover up the raging hysteria of emotions that's boiling inside and I've seen the melt downs when the bandaid suddenly isn't enough. I've heard it all. This is not healthy and certainly is not what Jesus intended.

There is a big difference in keeping your focus on Jesus while finding contentment and putting on a temporary bandage when your emotions begin to take control.

One has a lasting and life changing result while the other is comparable to a 5hr Energy drink where the crash at the end of the 5 hours is enough to knock you out for a while.

Don't beat yourself up when the feeling of loneliness and the longing for affection and physical touch come around. These are natural desires. It is important to talk to God - and yourself - through those times and bring your focus back on bettering yourself in this season of your life.

Work on finding that emotional stability and becoming steady.

It takes work and determination, but in the long term you will be far more advanced and successful than most of the population around you. Focus on becoming physically fit and financially successful.

Do not look at your single life as the page before the book starts.

Now is your story.

Now is your time to improve and advance farther than you thought possible.

So with that thought in mind, keep your chin up. You're not alone in the feeling of discouragement, jealousy, and even dread when you see another engagement announcement on facebook or receive another wedding invite in the mail. You've made it through the last dozen weddings. You got this! Put on your heels and favorite lip gloss and go with the determination of simply having a good time celebrating your friend's new step in their life. And don't feel guilty for stepping out and not participating in the "free entertainment" for the happy, cake-eating married couples.

Mazel tov! 

There comes a point in time where you simply have to walk away from those who do not add positivity to your life. Sometimes you have to say enough is enough and take back the joy that was taken from you. What you allow is what will continue. If you allow others to consistently judge, put you down, and speak negativity over your life, then you have, in essence, given them power that does not belong to them and it’s not healthy for you. It doesn’t matter if it is a relative, significant other, or friend – it is wrong and they must go. It is a sign of maturity and stability when you are able to take a stand for yourself and no longer allow others to affect how you view yourself or the person God is creating you to be. Never allow anyone to make you feel as though you’re not good enough or don’t match up to “their” standards and opinions. If they are not adding to your life, then they are taking something away. You are in charge. It’s time to get your focus on things that promote happiness, success, and positivity. Anything and anyone that is not helping you achieve your goals, uplift you in your self-esteem/worth/spiritual walk, and speak life over you simply does not belong. 

I've never been a fan of the "damsel in distress" type or the "waiting for a man so my life can finally start". No! Get up, pick up your sword, and fight! Get your own standards! Find your own strength! Be successful and capable of handling life completely on your own. A real man, a warrior, doesn't need the extra weight and burden of a woman who can't do it herself. He needs a warrior who can stand alongside him in battle, protect his back, and knows she can handle her own! Media and literature have made the "damsel" and "princess" something to be desired when in all reality, it's no help in the battle of this world. Be a woman of strength! Be the woman a warrior can get his strength from and feel safe with. Anyone can be a princess, but it takes a real woman of honor, integrity, character, strength, and gentleness to be a Queen!

To Submit or Not Submit

Uh oh....The "S" word. 

I can already see the eyes rolling and hear the groans of disgust. 

Hear me out! 

There's actually pretty good news in here that may just change your life and you can thank me later.

Now ladies, I get it.

This is the 21st century!

Woman are independent and can handle life just fine on their own with the "I don't need no man" and "Ain't no man gonna tell me what to do" girl-power mindset making even the idea of "submission" seem like an ancient form of torture.

Now I know...I'm single so what do I know, right?

Take it or leave it. It won't bother me a bit. But...

What if I told you it is very possible to be a modern, independent, confident woman AND be submissive to a man.

True story.

The thing is, we have been given a completely false view on what submission is. Submission is not demeaning and weakness. Far from it!

You see, Men are natural born leaders. God created them that way for a specific purpose. The misconstrued idea of submission has unfortunately turned our men from their God-given role as leaders into spineless jellyfish who can no longer make a decision and have become content allowing the woman to run the place.

Ladies, that's messed up. and really not attractive.

We have been given an amazing and important job, by God, to help our men become the greatest leaders that they can be! It is an honor and a privilege that God would entrust us with this awesome opportunity! 

The man is the head of the home and the woman is the heart.

Do you realize how awesome that is?! It's a huge responsibility and can determine the very environment of your entire household, whether it be full of peace and joy or "Dear God help me! I'm gonna kill 'em."

It seems women today have been gravely misinformed on just how important our submissive role really is. It is not weakness at all! It actually takes a strong woman to be submissive.

It's a choice.

Now, granted, you may not fully agree with everything your man decides, but when you're faithfully praying for him (that should just be a given) and you allow him to be the Man, that right there is obedience that God will honor and bless which will result in very few, if any, disagreements as God will direct his steps...not you.

So often we "think" we know what's best, but c'mon girls...let's be real.

Submission is super important as it allows us to be woman of God in meekness, support, love, gentleness, and joyfulness.

It literally makes you a better person!

Your household will thank you and you will find yourself a much happier person. 

It's not the "barefoot, sack-dress, unwashed slave" with her head down in shame, blindly following orders as if she is beneath the man and not worthy to speak.

Not even close!

It is the joyful woman who is confident in her important God-given role and who is brave and strong enough to help her man become a great leader for her and her children!

So ditch the girl-power attitude and embrace the honored position of a submissive and loving woman after God's own heart!

Let's help our men be men and allow them to become leaders that will change the world for God's glory!

"Behind every great man is an even greater woman lifting him up to his fullest potential"

We Remember

January 28.

Holocaust Memorial Day.

The day when we stop and really take note of our lives and where our problems don't seem all so bad anymore. 

The day that we recall the millions of precious Jewish lives that were horrifically taken from this world simply because they were Jews.

The day we remember.

I have walked the halls of the Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C.

I have seen the graphic pictures, the pile of shoes that were collected before they were sent into the gas chamber, the look in the eyes of the men, women, and yes, even children moments before they're death. I have read the stories, quotes, and writings found carved on cellar walls. 

Those images are forever engraved in my mind and heart.

This was someone's reality.

I walked through replicas of the train cars they were transported in like livestock and even replicas of the gas chambers they were piled in while they thought it was a shower room instead.

I saw the very graphic life-like replica model of the step-by-step process. Though made of plastic and clay, seeing each step brought more tears. The mass arrival, a mix of men, women, and children. Standing in line for hours in the freezing cold as they were processed like animals. Being forced to remove all clothing, shoes, and wedding bands. Being filed into the very large room that had the appearance of showerheads covering the ceiling. It showed how they all crammed in as close as they could under the "showers", as they were led to believe that is exactly what it was.

By this point I was in full out sobs to the point where I was kneeling on the ground completely overwhelmed and overtaken with grief at the sight of these precious innocent people. The horrific reality they had to face was more than I could bear.

The hollow, lifeless eyes of the children stared back at me from the photographs on the wall.

These people were hated. Not because of anything they did, but because of who they were. 

Never Forget.

We are witnesses.

2015.

It happened so fast.

 
This was a roller coaster year for me full of all the feels. I loved and lost and loved again. I survived heartbreak many times and watched it slowly be put back together piece by piece. I discovered strength within myself I never knew I had. I learned what being a survivor was all about. It's not as fun as it would seem, however it is rewarding.

I became a warrior.

 
Defending and protecting my heart at all costs while building up high walls only allowing in those that ultimately proved themselves trustworthy. 

I lost friends.

Not in the usual sense, but more in redefining my own life and taking a step back to refocus and find where I truly need to be, thus learning that, to make a dollar, it is better to have 4 quarters than 100 pennies. 

I made memories this year that will be cherished and highly treasured in my heart for the rest of my life. Memories, experiences, and moments that captured my soul, took my breath away, and seemed as if time stood still. Ones that make you wish to go back and relive over and over. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. 

This year I faced some of the most difficult moments of my life as well as some of the very best, however, I am ready to close the book of 2015. 

I am unsure how to feel regarding the start of the new year. I have many mixed feelings. I am not the woman I was when I started this past year and I wonder what will happen in the next one and how different I will be on this day a year from now. There are many unanswered questions and possibilities and yet that is what comes with a blank, unwritten book.

Many people make their resolutions. Few stick with them. I, personally, have never been the type to make the "New Years list", however, there are a few things I would like to challenge myself for the year 2016 to create a healthier, happier, peaceful, meaningful, and more substantial lifestyle.

• Fall in love with Reading
• Rediscover Self-worth and Value
• Detox and Limit Social Media
• Spend more time Alone with God
• Make Exercise a Priority (walk/run)
• Refrain from Overthinking
• Debt-free and Financial Stability
• Focus on the Positives 

These are a few things that don't require much drastic change, but are certain to readjust and transform into a more positive and fulfilling life. 

I step into this new year, this blank 365 page book, with apprehension and uncertainty of what I am going to face. But, if my heart is in the right place and my mind is steadfast on Jesus, I know I will withstand the valleys and soar through the mountaintops for He makes me brave. I know I am not alone even when sometimes I feel completely and utterly lonely. 

I've always been the one to say "This is my year!", but I am a bit more realistic now and will just take it one day, week, month at a time. I will focus on each moment, for that is life. 

So here I am, 2016. 

It's a new beginning.

Let the adventure begin...

Last night I had to do one the hardest things in life.
Say Goodbye.

No matter how many times that word is spoken over a lifetime, it never gets easier and the pain that follows is enough to shatter a heart. 

Some people come into your life never making much of an impact, while others not only come in, but suddenly they are in every aspect of your world. 

They are the one you text/call the moment you get news of any kind (good or bad). They are the one who drops everything to be at your side when you're falling apart. They are your adventure sidekick and secret-keeper. Your accountability partner and the one person you can be 100% real with because that's where you feel the most safe. You share passions, memories, clothes, and silent looks that only the two of you can interpret.

An unbreakable bond shared between kindred spirits.

From the moment I met Lauren, I knew there was something different. Something bigger than just mere friends and a mutual obsession over everything Christmas. Our connection was instantaneous and infectious. So much so that others around us noticed and commented.

We spent every moment we could together. 

From countless hours of conversation over coffee to watching our favorite movies. Spontaneous lunch dates to spending nearly the entire summer in the sun at Waldameer critiquing the music choice of the waterpark's speakers. Singing together in church to breaking out into song at any given moment due to something we just heard. Knowing what the other is thinking to keeping each other sane when life threw a curve ball. 

We were always laughing even to the point of crying. 

She willingly became the rock I needed to get me through some of the biggest struggles I've ever faced. She was determined to see me succeed. 

She became my Sister, my Confidant, my Best Friend. 

She is my biggest supporter, cheerleader, and fan.

I watched this amazing woman go through pregnancy and last night I was given the awesome honor and privilege of being called "Aunt Kate" to the most precious little boy, her son Judah.

Last night, as in most things in life, we had to let each other go. As we clung to each other in painful, heart-wrenching sobs the reality and uncertainty of ever seeing each other on Earth again was overwhelming, but still we are determined to hold on to the hope of reuniting once again someday. 

Circumstances may separate us, but our hearts will forever remain connected across the miles.

We don't know what the future holds, but we know Who holds the future and that alone gives peace.

To say you are missed is an understatement. 

Always my Sissy ~ Forever your Kate-Kate

I love you darling

"Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say 

It is well, it is well with my soul"

Inner peace, through an implicit trust in the love of God, is the real evidence of a mature Christian faith. These powerful lyrics were written by Mr. Horatio E. Spafford. After suffering loss in the great Chicago fire of 1871 he decided to take his family on a vacation to Europe, but, due to urgent business, he was detained while his wife and 4 daughters went on ahead. Halfway across the Atlantic, the ship carrying his wife and daughters was struck and sunk. All four of the Spafford girls drowned. His wife was miraculously saved. Mr. Spafford, after hearing the news of his tragic loss, set sail immediately to rejoin his wife. When his ship passed by the approximate place where his daughters had drowned, he received comfort from God like no other that brought him the words 

"When peace like a river attendeth my way. When sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, it is well. It is well with my soul."

This is the kind of peace and trust I so desperately yearn to achieve in my life. That whatever trials God sees fit to put me through and whatever sorrows I have to face...I may be able to stand on the deck of my ship, look down at the waters of my trials, and say those words with confidence and true immersing peace and trust in Almighty God! I am learning to fully place my entire life and circumstances in His hands. God only has our best interests in mind and His plans are perfect even tho we cannot see the reason. He has never failed and He won't stop now!

Will I still have doubts? Yes.

Will I fail? Yes.

With God's strength and unchangeable love, I will come out on the other side victorious, stronger, and the woman He truly intended me to be. Help me, Lord!

It is well...

Shine Your Light

A young woman came to me and told me something I will never forget. She said that every time she sees me she envisions God pouring grace, peace, mercy, hope, love, and joy on me like a fountain which then bursts out of me in all directions like rays of light capturing, touching, and affecting every soul around. She then, with tears in her eyes, said, "I want what you have. I want to be close enough to soak up everything I can. I want to learn from you so that I, too, may be that bright beacon that will change the world." I stood there stunned and in absolute awe as tears poured down my face. I looked back at my life and all that I was going thru during the past several months and I am completely amazed. She doesn't know my story. She doesn't know my struggles and trials. She doesn't know the countless nights spent crying myself to sleep while asking God for answers and understanding. Yet, THAT is what she saw. What a constant reminder that I am being watched intently by people I had no idea I was affecting. Had I allowed myself to quit and give up, I could have unknowingly hurt and possibly destroyed her. She was gleaning strength from me that God was pouring into my life.

 Sometimes the trials we go thru are not for us, but for others so we can help them by what we learned.

 What are you showing the world? Who is watching you?

As a 27yr old woman who has married off nearly all her friends (Emma you're next) I am forever getting the shocked reaction of "Why are you still single?!" and such. Recently I've begun to wonder myself...BUT this has reminded me WHY I'm still single. I refuse to settle for just your average "good" guy. I want rare. I want God's best. I want one that will make people say "Oh, I see why she waited on the right one". That man will love me for me, be my best friend, and always keep God in the center. Will be crazy and spontaneous, fun, adventurous, and goofy, but will also be responsible, respectful, loving, and be the MAN that God wants him to be as a husband and father. That man will get my attention and make me look twice. That man will find his way into my heart and make me addicted to his company. That man DOES exist. For now, I will live my life fully in the happiness and joy of living for Jesus. I am not the "needy" type or the kind of girl that "must have" a boyfriend. I think I'm doing pretty good on my own, doing my thing, supporting myself, enjoying life. I am confident that man will step into my life and fit perfectly and those reactions of "why i'm still single" will forever be erased for people will see that I truly waited for the perfect man for me! <3

Paddleboat Christianity

              The Old Ship of Zion – We’ve often heard this title. Some in story form, some in sermons, others in song. It is an analogy for the Christian life, the Ship being salvation with our Lord and Saviour at the helm as we sail through the sea of life, rescuing the drowning souls along the way, to our final destination – the ports of Heaven. This subject came up in conversation with a good friend and in the midst of talking I saw this analogy displayed in quite a different way. Later that night I had a vivid dream of that conversation and the analogy that had come to mind. It may have been God revealing some truth, or just an active imagination; nevertheless this analogy was quite interesting to the extent I felt I must write it down and share. If nothing else it would make a captivating story for one of those ancient “stories on tape”. I do not entirely know for sure what the dream meant, if it meant anything at all, however this is what I saw…

            The Great Ship of Zion, with enormous sails billowing in the salty breeze, came bursting into view with such illustrious grandeur and magnificence. No ship has ever come close to its captivating beauty and majesty, as well as endurance and strength. It was a beacon of hope for lost stragglers and shipwrecks as its purpose was to rescue the perishing and give refuge to any and all. The raging sea of life was full of drowning and helpless souls, some frantically grasping at wreckage floating by, while others just struggled to keep their heads above the water line. As the Mighty Ship sailed on it was endlessly throwing out lifelines to those fighting for survival. Some accepted the help and was swiftly pulled on board where they were immediately given new robes to wear and shelter from the storm, while others pushed the line away, refusing the help, and insisted they could “do it themselves”.

            Suddenly it seemed to jump ahead to many years later and what I saw was quite different…

            Aboard the Ship, the hundreds of thousands of rescued Christians stood. Some continually assisting the rescue process, some sitting off in a corner as if to avoid contact with anyone, while others were gathering in separate circles and groups as in a cliquish and private club-like manner. The individual groups started bickering against each other, which only seemed to form even more separate groups. Next thing I know the groups are heading to the lifeboats and lowering them into the water. They all claimed to have the answers and refused to associate themselves with the other groups.

Now paddleboats are filling the waters around the Great ship. Each boat is filled with people who are now rowing instead of riding and rescuing. As I took a closer look at the individual lifeboats I saw with surprise that each person had chains around their ankles keeping them locked inside the boat. In horror I witnessed a few of the boats push away some struggling souls trying to climb into the boat for safety. On occasion, although rare, the paddleboats would toss a life ring out which would instantly be clung to by desperate drowning souls, but instead of pulling them in to rest in the safety of the lifeboat, they left them out to drag along behind.

           

 Then I noticed that the Ship of Zion, instead of sailing on at the original speed, had slowed down to remain alongside of the lifeboats rowing in the sea. I saw those that had remained on the Ship were now calling out to those chained in the boats to come back onboard where they belong. They began to throw lifelines into the boats begging them to grab on so they could pull them up. Sadly, many were ignored or tossed away. Some, however, became convicted of how far they had strayed and their eyes were opened to the chains around their ankles and as they reached out their hands and grabbed the rope the chains that held them there suddenly fell off and they were freely and effortlessly pulled back into the arms of the Captain and safely aboard the Great Ship of Zion.

  I suddenly awoke and realized it was just a dream. Or was it? It felt so vividly real and it seemed to reveal such a powerful message. I don’t entirely know what it means, if it meant anything at all, but I do know that I don’t dream often and when I do they have never been this real or this vivid. It has been days since this dream occurred and yet it is so clear in my mind. There may be more truth to this than we realize. I want to be the one on the Ship actively part of the rescue group of those in the water and those in the boats. “Rescue the perishing, care for the dying. Jesus is merciful. Jesus will save!”