As the song “Christmas in Heaven” began to play, I paused as tears blurred my vision. I looked around at my little living room. The tree filling up with memory ornaments and many non-working lights that badly need replaced for next year. The fireplace with only one stocking hanging alone. The pictures of my brave brothers commemorating their time of service and the close calls they had while on deployment. And memories of my brother, Greg, began to flood my mind and heart.
Like video clips on a screen, I could see him running around the yard, climbing trees, his entire face smiling while he laughed, his fearless take on living his best life and living in the moment.
It’s been almost 19yrs.
I no longer remember what his voice sounded like. I can’t remember what his hugs felt like.
But I will never forget that, while everyone else called me “Katie” growing up, he was the only one to call me “Kate”. I will never forget the close bond we shared. I’ll never forget the shared birthdays and him being my best friend for almost 12yrs. I will never forget his last words to me being “love ya Kate” while he gave me one of his special hugs before running off to his room.
I was sitting at my desk with my back to him. I didn’t turn around to hug him back. I don’t even think I told him “I love you too”.
I don’t remember.
45min later he was gone.
He has spent 18 Christmases in Heaven now. I wonder what life would look like had things been different. I wonder if his presence would’ve changed things. Or maybe he was spared because God knew something we don’t know and may never know.
Christmas was his favorite time of year. Maybe that’s why I love it so much.
So while I sit here lost in a memory while tears fall, I wonder what Christmas in Heaven is like.
Hold those you love extra close tonight.
Tell them you love them.
Don’t let your last words be ones you would regret.
Take time to hug them.
Don’t be too busy.
Don’t be distracted.
For someday, memories will be all you have left.
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