I have always been about women supporting other women!! This is not a competition, ladies.

Everyone’s lives are different and look different than yours.

Some are more traditional while others are considered unconventional.

~ Some married, some single.

~ Some stay at home moms, some working moms.

~ Some give birth, some use surrogates.

 

~ Some get pregnant naturally, some use sperm donors.

~ Some chose careers over marriage, some married before a career was ever a possibility.

~ Some got married straight outta high school, some didn’t meet “the one” until they were well into their 40s.

Everyone’s story is different!

Just because it doesn’t meet your expectations for your life or follow some standard doesn’t mean they’re doing something wrong, nor does it give any of us the “right” to judge and gossip.

Let’s be women aggressively supporting other women unconditionally!

The beginnings of my journey with Hypothyroidism

Over the past 2yrs I have noticed serious physical changes in myself with the only lifestyle change being my employment. I attributed that these issues to the high stress job that was literally affecting my health and wellbeing. Stress is a pretty big factor in physical changes and issues, but I changed significantly in just a span of 2yrs. More than what stress could’ve necessarily caused. During this time, I determined to combat these sudden issues and worked hard to improve, but with no results comes discouragement and motivation crash which then brought on more issues involving emotional struggles and a negative mental outlook on life and how I viewed myself.

Jump forward to January 1, 2020.

This is my year! This is when I make my comeback! That high stress job is gone forever. For the first time in a long time, life is actually pretty great and I am happy. This is it! Let’s go! So I began to take drastic steps once again.

1) I ditched coffee and have been water only

2) I cook ALL my meals (each being UNDER 500 calories) and don’t eat anything processed or pre-made 3) I exercise much more with Barre workouts and utilize the rowing machine and equipment I own every morning before work

4) I did a colon cleanse and

5) I completed a 7day Cabbage Soup diet (basically a starvation diet that is supposed to get fast results and kick start your metabolism)

NOTHING WORKED.

Absolutely ZERO results from ALL of that effort and work.

The number on that blasted scale never changed. The size of my clothes never changed. No increased energy. No improved restful nights where I wake up refreshed. No changes to feeling tired on a constant basis. It was as if I hadn’t done a single thing different.

To say I was discouraged and frustrated would be a gross understatement. I was beyond upset and couldn’t understand why I didn’t get even the slightest hint of change in 2 months. Any normal human no matter their weight and size would’ve seen SOMETHING after all of that! So, I decided it was time to look a little deeper into the medical side of things because clearly something is wrong.

The visit to my doctor was almost unbelievable had I not physically experienced it myself. The moment I told her I was concerned with the fact that I can’t seem to get any results with my weight loss journey and simply feeling healthier in all aspects of my life, as well as explaining in detail everything I've done so far, she *no joke* checked out. If "rolling your eyes" was a facial expression without the actual act, she nailed it! The words “you’re obviously not doing enough cardio”, “you probably need to eat more”, and (my favorite) “that’s probably just how you’re built and you’re just going to have to accept that this is who you are” was literally spoken in the 10min I sat there. In fact, she talked more about herself (her size 0, stiletto wearing, self) than giving any attention to the very reason I was even there. I had to basically force her to prescribe me a blood panel as I wasn’t leaving without one and she made sure to brush it off with a “it probably won’t do anything. You just need more cardio” before leaving the room.

The next morning, after fasting for 12hours in preparation, I went for blood work. I was told it would be 72hrs before results. No big deal. At this point I was becoming increasingly more stressed and worried about what they might find. Could it be serious? A tumor? Would it be fixable? Life altering? Our minds always go nuts with worst case scenarios in situations like this.

Jump to yesterday, Feb. 20, 2020.

Just over 24hrs later, I receive a call. Now, as if the actually appointment itself wasn’t bad enough, this call was the cherry on top. It went like this, “so your levels are high. It’s pretty bad. You need to get on this medication immediately and come back in 6 weeks for more blood work. It’s ready at your pharmacy so start taking it in the morning. Have a good day.”

Hold up!! What now?!

I manage to catch her before she hangs up and ask “um excuse me…what is wrong with me?” Her response, “your thyroid. It’s pretty bad. Start the medication tomorrow morning.”

That was it. Clearly I wasn't getting any more information on the subject. I hung up stunned. There I was, sitting in the Target parking lot, not exactly sure what just happened or what this means for me long term.

I’m 32yrs old. What do you mean my thyroid is bad? What does that even mean? Is this serious? How bad is "pretty bad"? Will it get better? How does this affect my life?

I drive to the pharmacy and get there just as it was closing. They let me in and locked the door behind me. As I stood there with tears in my eyes and still in shock and confusion, I look at her as she hands me the bag and quietly say “can I ask you a question?” God planned for that caring lady to be my pharmacist at that moment. She stopped everything and gave me her full attention with the most kind eyes. I asked “what is this and what does this mean for me? I don’t even know what’s wrong with me.” Her eyes went sad and she reached out to me and calmly explained, so I could understand, that my thyroid is no longer working and what this medication is meant to do. She explained hypothyroidism and how that will affect me. I needed her kindness. Where she could’ve very easily brushed me off and told me to go talk to my doctor, she took the time to help me understand.

So there it is. My week in a nutshell. And it’s not even over yet. *yikes*

There really isn’t a “moral” to this story beside the cliché warning to get checked if things aren’t “adding up”. Even if your doctor doesn't think so - get checked anyway. I have talked to this doctor over the past several years and mentioned the changes I was experiencing and not once did she suggest I get checked or try to "rule things out".

I’m now researching hypothyroidism and what I can do about it, as I certainly don’t want to be on a pill for the rest of my life just to function like a normal human if I can help it, altho with my current levels and the fact that it's gone untreated, I may not have much choice. I am, also, def looking for a new doctor. One that actually gives a crap about my health and genuinely cares when giving life changing news like “oh by the way your thyroid crashed”.

Upon further research, I have discovered that I lined up with every symptom for this condition over the last two years that I blamed on the significant increase of stress in both the working world and in my personal life. While those had a big factor in this, I was unknowingly going untreated for an actual condition to where my levels are now quite high and could cause other issues. So many physical changes and symptoms I have been living with over the past couple years now makes so much sense and could have been controlled had I known.

This will be something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life, but it is treatable and for that I am thankful. I am also thankful it isn't as life altering as it could have been. I am not limited in what my capabilities are in any aspect. This is simply a glitch in my otherwise healthy system and I am looking forward to finally feeling and functioning normally again with the help and aid of this medication and hopefully some natural aid in the near future.

There has been some good that’s come out of my weight loss/healthy living effort in 2020. I discovered a love for cooking that I never knew I had. I cook every day and I’m actually pretty freakin amazing at it! Who knew, right? So, if nothing else, I’ve found something I genuinely enjoy doing and am good at that is healthy and has saved money! *bonus*

Always find the positive in every situation! It helps <3  

What a Decade can do

10 years.
This comparison has a lot of powerful meaning to me. I see more than most would, simply because I lived it. The biggest feature that stands out the most to me personally, and that caught my attention, is the eyes. They say the eyes are the “windows to the soul” and one can tell a lot about a person in their eyes.
They’re not wrong.
The eyes hold more than what our voices can say. It’s a direct link to what’s inside.
What I see in my eyes from ‘09 is pain, fear, insecurity, trapped, caged, and almost a silent cry for help.
And that’s exactly what was there.
No one knew the “behind the scenes” more than the K kids. Even our closest friends at the time had, and still have, no idea what daily life was like and what happened behind closed doors when the “church face” was put away. Just because someone holds a “ministry title” does not make them good, moral, decent, and even Christ-like. (You may wanna read that sentence again)
Now, 10yrs later, I see something very different in those eyes. I see confidence. Independence. Freedom. Worth. Brave. Fearless. Bold. Safe. Chain breaker. Survivor. Healing. Guarded. Warrior. Advocate. And one who absolutely refuses to allow anyone to beat her down physically, mentally, and emotionally ever again.
A lot can happen in 10yrs. I’ve come a long way. I’ve beaten the odds. My life looks nothing like what it was 10yrs ago. Had I been told then where I’d be today, I never would’ve believed it. I would’ve been far too afraid to even contemplate the mere possibility. Thru it all, the only constant in my life was and is God. He never failed.
What will the next 10yrs bring? Most people wish for money, fame, relationship, status, material things. I, however, only wish for one thing.
Happiness.
That’s it. To be genuinely happy is the greatest goal for, with it, everything else matters less because you are right where you are meant to be.
If you can learn one thing from this, let it be that you are never stuck. You have the ability and the strength to change your situation, to better yourself, to beat the odds, to be genuinely happy.
A decade ends, another begins. What are you going to do with it?

Christmas in Heaven

Tonight I wrapped presents beside the fireplace while Christmas music flowed gently from the sound bar.
As the song “Christmas in Heaven” began to play, I paused as tears blurred my vision. I looked around at my little living room. The tree filling up with memory ornaments and many non-working lights that badly need replaced for next year. The fireplace with only one stocking hanging alone. The pictures of my brave brothers commemorating their time of service and the close calls they had while on deployment. And memories of my brother, Greg, began to flood my mind and heart.
Like video clips on a screen, I could see him running around the yard, climbing trees, his entire face smiling while he laughed, his fearless take on living his best life and living in the moment.
It’s been almost 19yrs.
I no longer remember what his voice sounded like. I can’t remember what his hugs felt like.
But I will never forget that, while everyone else called me “Katie” growing up, he was the only one to call me “Kate”. I will never forget the close bond we shared. I’ll never forget the shared birthdays and him being my best friend for almost 12yrs. I will never forget his last words to me being “love ya Kate” while he gave me one of his special hugs before running off to his room.
I was sitting at my desk with my back to him. I didn’t turn around to hug him back. I don’t even think I told him “I love you too”.
I don’t remember.
45min later he was gone.
He has spent 18 Christmases in Heaven now. I wonder what life would look like had things been different. I wonder if his presence would’ve changed things. Or maybe he was spared because God knew something we don’t know and may never know.
Christmas was his favorite time of year. Maybe that’s why I love it so much.
So while I sit here lost in a memory while tears fall, I wonder what Christmas in Heaven is like.
Hold those you love extra close tonight.
Tell them you love them.
Don’t let your last words be ones you would regret.
Take time to hug them.
Don’t be too busy.
Don’t be distracted.
For someday, memories will be all you have left.

I'm surrounded by You - This is how I fight my battles

The past several months has been a very real struggle for me. I felt like I was drowning. Between very serious personal issues and difficulties with the line of work I was in, I was finding myself becoming more drained and it was as if it was sucking the very life out of me.
My already minimal social life had become quite non existent and I started to notice a very concerning change in myself that I didn’t like.
I was more stressed, depressed, and negative. Where I used to find joy in the little things, I now had forgotten how to smile.
It takes a very special person to handle this type of work 40+ hrs a week. I, however, am not cut out for it. You never truly know and realize what people on the other end of the phone really go thru until you’ve experienced it yourself.
I have a much higher respect for them now.
I felt surrounded and attacked on all sides. Deep inside I was screaming for help and rescue, but I felt like no one could hear me. I felt stuck.

“It may look like I’m surrounded....”

On Sept 18, I received a notification from a job search app stating my resume matched a position at a Law Firm just a few blocks from where I live. I initially laughed as I have no degree and no clue about anything relating to Law. Why would I even be considered?
So I let it sit there.
Later on that afternoon, I saw it again and this time felt a nudge to hit “apply”. So I shrugged and said “eh, why not”, clicked the apply button that automatically sends out my resume, and continued on with my day.
The next day I received an email offering an interview. I, again, let it sit there, this time for a full weekend, before I finally called and ended up going for the interview that Tuesday. The interview went so well, but I was scared to get my hopes up as my last few recent interviews elsewhere had crushed me.
So I waited.
The week finished out and still no word.
The weekend came and went.

Monday morning I received word that they were meeting to discuss and make a decision that afternoon. I waited all day, nervously glancing at my phone. Internally begging it to ring.
At 2:45pm the call came. They asked me to come back in. I went. I was a wreck on the inside, but outwardly calm. It was a second brief interview, but I was very desperately hoping to get some answer. Good or bad. They then ended it with “Thank you for coming back in. We will notify you when we make our decision.”
My stomach dropped.
I had really hoped for news.
Something.
Anything.
But I thanked them for their time and left.
The entire way to my car I was asking God all the “why” questions. I get in my car and pull around to the parking lot exit. The street was packed with traffic. I couldn’t get out of the lot.
So I sat there. Waiting.
Suddenly my phone rings. It was them! I answered and they asked if I had left yet. I advised I was still here due to traffic. They asked if I would be able to come back up. Now completely confused, I backed up, parked again, and made my way back up to the top floor. They were waiting for me as I stepped off the elevator.
Apparently, the moment I left the office, they looked at each other and said “It’s a no brainer. She is who we need need here!”.
They offered me the job with a pay increase.
The moment I said “yes”, I felt a huge weight fall off. I suddenly couldn’t contain myself and I started laughing and my eyes welled with tears.
My new office is on the top floor of the building.
My new desk sits with a massive and incredible view of the entire bayfront.
I will be doing work that I’m truly good at and I actually enjoy doing.
The pay and benefits improved significantly.
I know I will be very happy here and will be taken care of and treated very well.
Never did I see this coming. This wasn’t even what I expected when I prayed for a new job. This is so much more than what I asked for. This is an “I’m drinking from my saucer because my cup has overflowed”.
Here I thought I was surrounded by things that seemed determined to wreck me, but, in reality, I was actually surrounded by The One who knew exactly what I needed without me having to or even knowing to ask for it. He was just putting the pieces together and just when I was giving up and ready to fall apart, He picked me up and said “Watch this”.

“It May look like I’m surrounded, but I’m surrounded by You. This is how I fight my battles”

Your job vs. God's job

How many times has our words or actions caused a human to walk away from Christ? Leave a church? Become hurt and doubt their faith? Spread gossip against another? Etc.
Judging only causes them to run farther away and, in most cases, never return.
Loving them is when they become open to hearing you and can then speak into their lives where they will receive it.
Only God can change a heart.
That’s not up to us.
I’m so glad He never gave us that kind of power, because we are all just humans. We all mess up and make mistakes. Every single day.
The greatest commandment is this: Love one another as I have loved you.
Look at how much we’ve messed up, yet He still loves us. Who are we to determine who does or doesn’t deserve love?
Jesus truly is the greatest example!
Look who he chose to hang out with. They were society’s worst at the time. Yet He saw their potential and chose to simply love them. They, in turn, followed Him. It’s sad how many Christians have taken on the example of the Pharisees instead of Jesus.
Our reactions and responses to those who are not like us can have a huge impact. It is the crossroads for most individuals.
Your actions, reactions, and words can be life or death. Maybe not physically (although that is becoming more and more common), but, most importantly, spiritual.
It’s our job to love. It’s God’s job to change.

A glimpse into my journey...

As I sit here at my favorite solitude spot in quiet contemplation, the warm fall breeze mixing familiar autumn scents while the only sound is the soothing melody of the waves kissing the rock wall that I am resting on as the sun sets and the sky turns several shades of orange and pink in a majestic farewell to yet another day, my attention wanders from the book in my hand to my surroundings. I am suddenly filled with a raw emotion that can only be described as "awe".

To think that only two years ago things were so very different. 

My journey has been so unique and so challenging compared to what people can see. I didn't always have a relationship and a closeness with my Savior as I now cherish. 

Everyone has a story. 

Mine brought me to the edge, allowed me to look over the side, and then, gently with pure and unequivocal love, brought me to the place of "all in" with Yeshua. 

I now humbly and gratefully wear the biggest part of my testimony on my arm as a symbol and constant reminder of God's amazing and miraculous work in my life! 

The semicolon, as in the English grammar, symbolizes where the writer could have ended the sentence, but yet continues further thus symbolically marking the point when I, too, nearly ended my "sentence". To think a person could allow themselves to get to such a point is so incredibly sad. To think a Jesus-following, church-attending, bible-believing person could get to that point almost seems impossible, right? I am here to tell you it's not. 

Sad? Yes. Impossible? No. 

Some may look at such a mindset as selfish and weak. Lacking all reason and tossing Almighty God to the side as if He no longer matters. I strongly proclaim that this is not true. 

I will not go into details as this is merely an open post and a glimpse into my story. Maybe one day I will "put pen to paper" as they say and write a book, but for now I will simply say that I now fully understand the mindset of someone who is completely convinced this world, and everyone in it, is better off without you. Seems crazy, right? As if the classic film "It's a wonderful life" didn't do a good enough job teaching us otherwise.

Let's continue. 

Throughout the past several years I had come to notice one worship song that clung to my heart above the rest - It is well. However, it wasn't just the song itself that held my heart, but the story behind the writing of it. Mr. Horatio Spafford penned those powerful and heart-wrenching words after the tragic death of not just one, but all of his children. 

As he sailed over the very spot where his 4 daughters drowned he was able, with incredible strength and closeness with Yahweh, to look down into the dark waters and say

 "when peace like a river attendeth my way. When sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say It is well, It is well with my soul". 

That amount of peace and faith in Jehovah has gripped me beyond anything I can explain. It is not just inspiring. It's life changing.

 I want that.

 I aspire that amount of "all in" with The Holy Spirit. 

Because of his testimony, I have chosen to face the storms that spring up and rage in my life with a fierce determination and claim "It is well" over my situation "whatever my lot".

 I have become acquainted with "sorrow like sea billows" in my own life and have spent many countless nights in tears and discouragement, yet God in His infinite wisdom and love keeps me anchored and covers me. 

My story is not like his and not like yours, yet there are similarities and relations. We all have a journey that we have been asked to travel.

 What we go through is not entirely for us. 

Many times it is for the benefit of others so, through our testimony and victories, they may gain strength to overcome and survive their own assigned journey.

 So while my "sentence" could've ended at that semicolon, now - 

It is well!